Motivating Our Children

Sometimes as parents we believe we are motivating our children to succeed, but in reality, we are pushing them further from their goals. In the January 2020 Ensign, Dr. Wendy Ulrich explains that in the long run, internal rewards, including learning, trying new things, and solving problems are the most motivating for children. Concerning external benefits, Dr. Ulrich concludes, “when overdone, rewards can actually undermine motivation. People who already enjoy a task will often do it less, not more, if they are paid for doing it” (Ulrich, 2020). 

In their article, Helping Children and Youth Develop a Growth Mindset, Doty & Peterson (2022) illustrate that improvement comes through work, trials, and making mistakes. Proving once again that intrinsic motivation is the key to success. 

Ulrich & Burrup (2019) give parents eight tips on how to help build a child’s resilience:

  1. Model good coping skills
  2. Praise effort, not just success
  3. Praise more than you correct
  4. Teach that mistakes and failure are part of life
  5. Ask questions to help children solve their own problems
  6. Allow children to experience natural and logical consequences to their choices
  7. Help children stay positive during trials
  8. Give them opportunities to do hard things

In the article, Ulrich and Burrup expound on each of these suggestions which can be found here.

Finally, children learn from example. As parents, we need to work on our own mindset to show children it’s healthy to make mistakes, and we can overcome any roadblock in our path.

References

Doty, J., & Peterson, J. (2022, February). Helping Children and Youth Develop a Growth Mindset. Www.churchofjesuschrist.org. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2022/02/digital-only/helping-children-and-youth-develop-a-growth-mindset?lang=eng

Ulrich, W. (2020, January). Motivating the Rising Generation. Www.churchofjesuschrist.org. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/01/motivating-the-rising-generation?lang=eng

Ulrich, W., & Burrup, L. J. (2019, September). Building Resilience: Eight Tips for Parents. Www.churchofjesuschrist.org. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2019/09/building-resilience-eight-tips-for-parents?lang=eng

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